A few years ago, my mental state took a sudden turn for the worse after moving across the country to a brand-new place. Initially I thought it was just because of the stress of the move, but the problem was, I actually loved my new city! I felt like I should have been happy: I had a good job and a beautiful place to live. But something in my brain was on high alert and it just kept getting worse.
People around me had no idea I was dealing with this, but in reality, the anxious and depressed feelings were starting to control my life. I started to have crushing panic attacks where I truly thought I was suffocating. They would come out of nowhere and I didn’t know how to handle them.
Exercise and healthy eating are supposed to help with these kinds of things, but no matter what I tried, I could not solve this problem. I would go for long walks or runs when I felt the panic rising in my chest. It delayed the panic attacks, but it never made them go away. At nighttime when I was trying to sleep, the panic would build up until I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to run far, far away from my own body. The panic attacks led to headaches and other physical symptoms that would usually last for hours, sometimes even the entire day.
Conversations were hard, even with the people I loved the most. I was always distracted by a deep feeling of dread. I could watch the most heartwarming movie or see the cutest puppy walking down the street, and I would feel zero emotion. That’s when I knew that the panic attacks and depression were taking over.
Unfortunately, I had voices in my life that were telling me I just needed to get over it and be strong. Maybe this is true for some people, but it was not working for me. I felt like a failure when I finally visited a therapist and a psychiatrist. Honestly, my experience with these medical providers made me feel even more helpless than before and I didn’t go back to that doctor’s office again.
I can’t remember where I got the idea to try CBD, but at some point, I started taking a small dose each day. At first, I couldn’t really feel the effects. Every few days I would cautiously increase my dose by a small amount hoping that it would start to kick in. And it did! I’m overjoyed to say that once I found the right dose, I started improving noticeably day by day.
The CBD was only part of my healing, but it is the main thing that kickstarted my progress and inspired me to keep going. I love that I can feel positive emotions again! Happiness is once again a part of my life. Where I used to feel intense panic, I now feel secure and peaceful.